Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Shame - the story of my life.
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