Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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