Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
