weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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