he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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