sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
