I accidentally had phone sex last night
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
