he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
