I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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