Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
