On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
