i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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