Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
