Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
