New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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