It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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