Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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