she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
