I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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