a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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