The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it's like heaven, but drunker
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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