My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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