Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
