im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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