Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
