her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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