So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
