It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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