i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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