my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
