smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
