just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
either way he was missing a nipple.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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