Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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