You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize