I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
