You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
