So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
