I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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