Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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