She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
