I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
