Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
