We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
