Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
