Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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