And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
