Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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