dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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