Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
