You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize