I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Randomize
