so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
