Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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