girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
