he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
