is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Pants are for mortals
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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