he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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