New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize