Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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