I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
