i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the day after is always just damage control
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
