it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
