I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
we're so committed to being not committed
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