I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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