I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize