Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
