New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
