Can i not drive my cunt home
Your tits are I can't wait for
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
