Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
