FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm passing your future prison.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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