So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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