I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize