I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
