All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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