Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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