Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
