She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
