You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
