I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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