Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
