my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
