We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
