I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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