I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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