If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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