my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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