He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
