I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
