You don't have asthma, your pregnant
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
