It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize