When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The air was thick with penises
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
