"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize