Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
