so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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