Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
