I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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