god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
