You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
