i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
