Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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