didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
