Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
